Criminal jokes
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Judge: Tell me your occupation.
Prisoner; I'm a locksmith, Your Honour.
Judge: Then what were you doing in a jewellery shop in the middle of the night when the police saw you?
Prisoner; Making a bolt for the door!
"What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?" asked the judge. "Well, Your Honor," replied the arresting officer, "I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, 'I want to listen to it on my record-player!' "
A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off.
"Shall I run and get it for you?" asked the prisoner obligingly.
"You must think I'm daft," said the officer.
"You stand here and I'll get it."
Why was the robber so secure?
He was a safe robber.
Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn't any good, it only has sentimental value.
Mugger: That's all right. I'm sentimental.
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